Canada To Release Updated WWII Resistance Manual for Modern Warfare

Original 1942 edition of Canadian Resistance Manual

MARCH 25, 2025 – The Canadian government is set to release an updated version of its classic WWII Resistance Manual, originally created to train citizens in guerrilla tactics against occupation forces. The manual was last revised in the 1950s for Cold War threats but has remained untouched since.

The new edition reflects modern warfare, incorporating cyber-resistance, electronic sabotage, and decentralized communication strategies. Officials cite rising geopolitical tensions as the reason for its revival.

Revised 1953 Cold War edition of the famous Canadian Resistance Manual

“This isn’t just history—it’s preparedness,” said a government source, who suggested that once completed in a matter of weeks, the books would be shipped free of charge to all Canadian postal addresses, and available for online download. Analysts see the move as a direct response to U.S. aggression in the ongoing trade war, and a signal to the world that the federal government of Canada fully expects a ground invasion and possible occupation by the United States.

Poilievre Struggles to See Over Podium, Aides Bring Booster Seat

MARCH 23, 2025 – Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre found himself in an awkward situation during a speech yesterday when he couldn’t see over the podium. As cameras rolled, aides scrambled to find a child’s booster seat, which he reluctantly stepped onto. Even then, he barely cleared the top, prompting quiet chuckles from the audience, especially when he spoke about "standing up for the little guy." Despite the distraction, Poilievre pressed on with his speech, though the moment quickly went viral. Social media erupted with memes and jokes, with critics seizing the opportunity to mock his stature. Supporters dismissed the incident, calling it a meaningless sideshow, much like Poilievre himself. His team later downplayed the issue, insisting it had no impact on his message. However, with images of the booster-assisted speech spreading across the internet, the visual may prove more memorable than his words.

Canada's Military Is Training Its Citizens To Resist American Invasion

MARCH 26, 2025 - Government trainers have been quietly instructing Canadians in Tactora, a homegrown martial art designed for survival and resistance in harsh northern conditions. Developed during the Cold War, Tactora draws from the combat techniques of voyageurs, fur trappers, and Indigenous warriors, incorporating paddle and axe fighting, rope tactics, and wilderness survival. The system emphasizes close-quarters combat, using the tools of the frontier—canoe paddles, sticks, and improvised weapons—alongside the brute-force tactics of hockey brawling. Trapping skills, shelter-building, and cold-weather endurance are also key components. With rising tensions, military sources suggest Tactora’s revival is part of a broader effort to prepare Canadians for asymmetric resistance in the event of invasion or occupation.

BREAKING: Canada Bans Teslas from Crossing the Border

MARCH 19, 2025 – Canadian border officials have begun turning away Tesla vehicles, citing safety and regulatory concerns. The move follows growing scrutiny over Tesla’s compliance with Canadian vehicle standards and data security regulations. Government sources suggest the ban is linked to concerns over autopilot malfunctions and data collection issues. Critics argue the decision is politically motivated amid ongoing trade tensions. Tesla owners attempting to cross into Canada have reported being denied entry, with officials instructing them to use alternative vehicles. The government has not provided a timeline for when, or if, the restriction will be lifted.

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